Sunday, 28 April 2013

We joined Nespresso club

It was BIZARRE.


We tested a few models at Selfridges and then purchased our chosen machine at John Lewis. We then trekked down Regent Street, lugging our cream Magimix Citiz complete with Aeroccino 3, to purchase some capsules (Dulsao do Brasil and some decaf for making espresso martinis) and to formally join Nespresso Club.

We arrived at the Boutique and it was like being welcomed in to first class or an Aston Martin show room. Soft lighting, stylish design and Nespresso brand ambassadors with breathy voices.

"Welcome to Nespresso. Can I show you through to the tasting bar?"

Crumbs! Mr G had pins and needles in his face from all the pre-purchase samples he tried and I'm coffee-free for the time being after an involuntary caffeine purge last week when I caught a stomach bug, so we declined the offer and got in the queue to register and to buy our first capsules.

A queue?!? For registration and coffee capsules?!?

Anyway, when we got to the Coffee Capsule Purchasing Desk we began our Nespresso Club initiation ceremony.

I think I lost points for not taking it seriously enough.

In her best breathy, welcome-to-first-class-madam voice we were asked: "would you like a leather key fob or a membership card?"

Uh... both, please?

She then swiped them like electronic hotel key cards to activate them... Really?  What am I supposed to do with an activated Nespresso card. What is is activated for?

Oh hang on. I'm about to find out.


(Breathy air hostess voice again) "Has anyone told you about The Benefits of Nespresso Club?"

I was then demoted to the bottom of Coffee Class for giggling during the speech about Nespresso Assistance which includes
  • 3 year extended warranty
  • 24 hour helpline with direct access to Nespresso experts in case of coffee-related emergencies
  • Should our machine break they will collect/repair free of charge (under warranty)
  • A courtesy machine will be provided in cases where the machine has to be taken away for repair, to ensure no interruption to our coffee schedule
  • A first look at special edition coffees
  • The card/key fob tracks our purchases so they can profile our coffee preferences and assist us in future coffee buying decisions (a-ha!!!)
  • A recipe book, tips  and instructions for making all coffee related drinks, desserts and cocktails.
For. Actual. Real.

I shit you not.

....

....

.....

!?!?!

Then it was time to register the machine and get our membership pack, which was not too dissimilar to the manual I was given when I bought my last car.

Breathy Nespresso brand ambassador: "I see you bought the machine at John Lewis"

Me: "wow, that was quick - is that registered on our profile already?"

Breathy Nespresso brand ambassador: "No madam, it's in a John Lewis Bag"

Mr G: *snort*

I flunked Nespresso School. Big time.


But in all seriousness, we tried it last night and it's yum and fun! And, really, if you asked me to recommend a coffee machine/company/service now, the first thing I'll say? Get a Nespresso.

I have been assimilated.

Mr G loves it like it's our first born and keeps going in to the kitchen to caress it.

First rule of Nespresso Club? COME ROUND FOR ESPRESSO MARTINIS ASAP!!!!

2 comments:

  1. But..... isn't it essentially instant coffee? Reeeeeaaally well marketed?

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    Replies
    1. Nope. Freshly ground & roasted then vacuum sealed in the capsules. Result? Extremely good quality coffee in the comfort of your own home, at a fraction of the price.

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