Friday, 12 August 2011

An Ode to Limoncello

So whilst we're on the wedding-homage theme, I'd like to take a moment to dedicate this post to the second wedding of the summer I attended, this one in Lake Como.

Things I learned in the Motherland: An Ode to Limoncello
  • Limoncello is The Devil. The Serpent. Evil Eve. Limoncello Lucifer…. It will lure you in with its fruity liquory goodness and it will turn you in to a  crazy hoon. It is fun though. For about two hours… and then you’ll regret every second of it.
  • When peach vodka is "only 20%" you really shouldn't "top it up" with "proper vodka" – sh*t will get wild, and sh*t will get messy.
  • When Nicky G says "drink some water", "you don't need any more Limoncello" or "let's go home now Dearest" it's probably best to do as he says. He’s actually quite sensible, when he’s clothed.
  • Dancing on tables in a quiet, traditional, little bar in an old, sleepy Italian village will not make you popular with the locals. OR…. It will make you VERY popular with the locals. It all depends whether you've stolen their motorbike helmet or not when doing so.
  • "Bogging" does not mean the same thing north of Hadrian's Wall
  • There are "Too Many Men, Too Many Men" and we need "Some More Girls in Here"
  • Check your emails for memos about white shirts
  • Six-inch peeptoe heels are not appropriate boating footwear. Drinking your body weight in Aperol and prosecco will not be helpful either
  • Prosecco tastes better out of tea cups
  • Tea tastes better out of a bowl
  • Always lock your bedroom door
  • Make sure there is always someone in your travelling party who can crack codes in case you are  faced with a locked door
  • Spitting drinks in people's faces through straws (not me!!) will only end in tears, and potentially temporary blindness
  • One cannot afford a Chanel handbag and will never be able to. Deal with it
  • If someone else has a Chanel handbag, they will not appreciate you licking it to demonstrate your love for it. Looking and touching with (clean) hands will suffice.
  • Turns out Gillian Michaels totally is your mate!
  • Haribo does not constitute a meal
  • Dry Special K is not hangover food
  • Packing whilst still drunk is not as fun as it sounds
  • Check the train timetables before travelling up and down a cliff face with cases and wet towels in the searing midday heat
  • Don't do ‘dying sheep’ impressions on the floor, in your bikini, in a room full of strangers.
  • Don't drink two litres of Prosecco, lots of ‘topped up’ peach vodka and then start climbing around on first floor balconies. You will probably die and you will definitely p*ss off the family whose backgarden you die in, as they already think you are a larger lout, best not make any more mess
  • You are not a larger lout if you have only consumed prosecco, vodka and limoncello. You are in fact just a lout.
  • There's always time for Labyrinth
  • Don't get Jell of the curly sausage, when you got smoked cheese.
  • If you pour a whole shaker-full of ground pepper over a person's lap, there will be sneezing issues. Tomato and lettuce leaves will NOT cure them.
  • Check who's around before proclaiming yourself a Sex Panther to the neighbourhood
  • Sh*t always gets wild in the Villa del Large, so it’s best to apologise to the neighbours
  • When apologising to the neighbours, remember to put clothes on top of your pants
  • If your doorbell goes at 3.30am, don't answer the door. It will probably be a naked person. Or two naked people. With grapes.
  • Nicky G always gets naked in…. uh, actually, let's just leave it there – Nicky G always gets naked.
  • If you tell people you don’t like naked cuddles (you know who you are), that does mean you will receive one at least once a day. And so will your girlfriend. Not from you.
  • If you haven’t wiggled the camera through 180 degrees clockwise and back again when taking the shot, it’s basically null and void
  • It is perfectly acceptable to eat pizza for breakfast, brunch, lunch, supper and dinner… on the same day.
  • Aussie chicks love a bit of John Farnham. Take cover...
And my fave quotes:
  • "how you gonna geddit? How you gonna geddit? How you gonna geddit? Why you list-nin' to her liiiiiiieeeees?"
  • "Heaths - Don't let him iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin"
  • "…'Don't go that way! Never go that way!....If she'd 'ave kept on goin' down that way she'd 'ave gone straight to that castle.'…"
  • "when you sleep with [censored] we all sleep with [censored], they were looooooud"
  • "It's only 20%, you need to add much, much more to get properly drunk" (as opposed to how pretend drunk we are now, right?)
  • "Hale - got any food in your fridge?". "I have Gummi bears?". "No, I want some of that curly sausage....."
  • "5h*t's gonna get wild"
  • "Sh*t got wild"
  • "Sh*t's wild
  • "Oh sh*t"
  • "I feel like sh*t - what happened?"
  • "Where's Viki Hale?"
  • "Doggers, are these your pants?"
  • "Victoria – DO IT AGAIN! (to the person next to her) She will you know"
Amazing scenery, amazing parties, amazing people, amazing outfits… basically absolutely amazing scenes.
Ciao bellas