I was lucky enough to receive some Christmas money this year from some very generous people and, like every year, I put it in a special account, and spend the next few weeks agonising over what to spend it on. I don’t want to be too practical with it, I want to treat myself, but I also don’t want to be too frivolous. People gave me money to buy myself something nice, not something I’ll use once and break/lose/discard/forget about.
This year I have tortured myself with the fact that it’s also my 30th birthday in four weeks. And so I could save the money until then, see if I get any birthday money (I don’t like to be presumptuous), add it all together, then save for a few more months (not easy as we are planning to up-size our house in the next few months) and then buy myself…
A. Chanel. Handbag.
Specifically, a Chanel 2.55 in black or white. Maybe the nude.
|I heart Chanel...|
|... so much that I want to ingest it!|
I joke about this every year around birthday/Christmas time, putting it at the top of my list, knowing full well I’ll never get one.
And it has now jokingly become one of my Life Goals. More specifically a Before I Turn Thirty Life Goal.
Which I understand makes me look a bit shallow.
On deliberating my Christmas money “dilemma”, I recall that I also want an iPad and a new everyday bag, and that can’t be anything less than Mulberry, now, can it? And those twinkly Miu Miu heels. Oh, and flights to NYC, and flights to Dublin to see my cousin at Uni and in duty free, en route, I’ll covet about ten perfumes and develop a longing for some new piece of sparkly jewellery…
Which made me realise that this Chanel handbag idea is all well and good, but it’s just never going to happen. Well not in the timescales that I had in my mind.
Which meant that I chucked a mini Viki-Strop in my head.
This usually consists of the following:
“I want a [something], it’s not fair, [person*] has one and I want one too. Why am I not rich/pretty/clever/famous enough to have a [something]. If I had a [something] I would be truly happy. I would never want for anything else again if I could have a [something]. I really wouldn’t. If I got one I’d be truly thankful and appreciative and then I’d spend the rest of my life saving money, and giving to charity and being an all round better person as I wouldn’t need any more money once I have the ultimate [something] so I really would give it all away. So really, the whole world would benefit if I had a [something]. So really it’s only fair that I buy one/get one for Christmas/Mr G surprises me with one…. Hmph… I am so hard done by……….”
And then I have a little chat with myself, or, if it’s really bad, someone (you know who you are!) gives me a mental slap and I snap out of it. And I remember that I actually have a lot.
I have a lot of [somethings] that many people are not lucky enough to have (generally as a result of one of the above strops**) and I don’t regret any of the purchases. I work hard and I like to have nice things, and one day I will sacrifice everything I have for my future family, and so for now I don’t feel bad about buying those [somethings].
However, more importantly I appreciate that I have a lot of other [somethings] too. And those things are way more important. Health, family that are close by (but not too close by!), friends I can trust and rely on, a loving (and incredibly patient, selfless, long suffering) husband, a good job, a roof over my head, food in my fridge (even if it is generally only five kinds of cheese and bars of chocolate) and things to look forward to. I have a life that I should be, and generally am, incredibly thankful for.
And so I came to the conclusion that this constant desire for a Chanel handbag that I witter on about isn’t so much about wanting the actual bag, as quite frankly I think that that is one [something] I will never own, and if I ever am lucky (or stupid) enough to buy one, I don’t for a second think that I won’t then want the next size up, the latest season’s colour or a new, bigger [something] ***, but is more about the desire to never stop wanting The Best which means I can never stop wanting to be the best I can be and do the best I can do.
It’s basically my way of telling myself that old motivational phrase by W. Clement Stone:
Aim for the moon, that way, even if you miss you will land amongst the stars!
It’s just that mine relates to designer goods and not celestial beings.
Well, you have to teach people in a language that they can understand. Don’t you?
So there we go. I’m not shallow, I just need a carrot, and maybe sometimes a stick.
And yes, that is me above slobbering all over someone else’s uber-expensive Chanel handbag.
It was totes emosh.
* could be a real person I know/Facebook stalk, a celeb or a fictional character in a film. I’m not picky!
** these would include, to name a few, a Mini Cooper Convertible I sacrificed my life savings for. A Mulberry clutch I sacrificed a while heap of birthday presents for. A passport full of travel stamps that I sacrificed all my potential future savings for. A pair of Louboutins I sacrificed, well I didn’t sacrifice much for those, I did some creative accounting my with wedding budget. A blow out wedding I sacrificed my future children’s education for.
*** Aston Martin maybe? Ibizan villa? Private Jet? My face carved on Mount Rushmore. The moon on a stick? Ha!