Resting Bitch Face

I have a friend who used to tell me off all the time for my Resting Bitch Face* She said that I always looked aloof and people were scared to talk to us when we went out. I thought it was more along the lines that they were embarrassed to be seen with us due to our cliché fancy dress and bonkers dance routines we insisted on doing, en masse, on the dancefloor (it likely was the latter!).

I had a boss, back in the day, that said I gave off a constant air of "don't approach me, don't talk to me and certainly don't touch me" when we were out drinking. Not in a bad way, just in the way that when everyone at work was hitting on or hooking up with anything that moved, everyone steered well clear of me. I thought it was because everyone else was way way hotter than me (they actually were/are!).

From the age of about 3 until... well, probably even now, my mum told/tells me, repeatedly, that my standard response to all questions, comments and critique was/is a lip-curl of a sneer. I disagree, I think I'm screwing my face up while ruminating my response to make sure I say the right thing (but, fair enough, in my teenage years, I probably snarled some kind of sarky retort, once cogitated).

One of Mr G's friends also told me that his (now ex) girlfriend thought I was highly unapproachable, because I was always giving her "evils". I thought she was staying away from me because she was just too cool for me (she was!).

I took umbrage at all these suggestions.

I smile at strangers in the street as we walk past each other as I worry that they may think I'm unfriendly. I yell "good morning" to people as I walk to the bus stop each morning, even if they always ignore me, and I worry ALL.THE.TIME. that people might not like me. For some stupid reason my life's mission is to make everyone like me.

Anyway, on a hen weekend recently one of the other hens took a lot of reportage style photography and it was only in looking through her expert pics that I noticed the extent of my Resting Bitch Face. I'd never seen it before.

It's bad.

Check it.

Papped by Manita Khanna

So, I'm sorry. I get it!

But, check this Buzzfeed blog post out, it explains my plight.

Help me!

* at the time we didn't know that's what it was called. She just told me to stop looking like such a sullen bitch!

2014 resolutions

January's not going to be as quiet as I hoped

 

I wasn't going to make any this year. I never manage to keep them and I just get all OCD about them towards the end of the year and then tell myself off for being a resolutions failure, or start thinking about everything I didn't do, instead of what I did... which is normally quite a lot.

However, in looking back at my 2013 resolutions, it seems that I did in fact manage to keep one. Not on purpose, more as a symptom of other life events. And so, despite telling myself I wouldn't, I actually made some, and submitted them to Florence Find's January Joy post.

In short, they were 1) to do what I want to do, and say no more often and 2) get on top of my personal admin. They shouldn't be too hard to keep!

Happy new year!

Ciao Bella Twenty Thirteen

Woooooooah! All of a sudden it's NYE. I haven't posted in an aaaaaaage. I've just been so busy... living the last days of 2013, it seems.

It's been a year of spectacular highs and some rather upsetting lows. Ultimately though, the happy faces have outweighed the tears, and I can hand on heart say I've had a great year full of amazing opportunities, self discovery and life lessons... oh, and a LOT of fun with my loved ones. Even, a little on my own.

I shan't go in to it all. I shan't get all mushy and wordy about it. I shan't do a month-by-month analysis. I have NYE cocktails to plan and glitter to apply...

Instead, I shall reminisce in the way I know best - with pictures! Click play, or on the link below, and turn up the sound...

http://flipagram.com/f/Or2pnpUdYK
 

Ahhhh, memories.

Right now, at the same time as reliving my 2013 highlights, I'm mega excited about the funtimes and new experiences 2014 has to offer and putting a fresh start in to action. Oh, and the fact that Sherlock is finally back... tomorrow! *squeeeeee*

See you next year, peas and love!
x

A thought...

#cheesy

I don't want to get cheesy, but... 

Just treat others as you wish to be treated. Please.

Be nice, and people will be nice back. Help them and they will want to help you in return, to do things to make your life easier, better, nicer.

Care for people and they will care for you. If you're lucky they will care for you anyway, though you may not deserve it.

Don't bully people, lie about people (or to them), be mean or try to make people feel small on purpose. Don't try to make yourself look good by making someone else look bad. Don't try to take things from people just because you don't have them yourself. Don't point out someone else's faults to make them hate themselves, without first ensuring you are wholly perfect (just FYI, you're not!).

One day you'll want that person to help you out. One day you'll want that person to be a friend to you.

And you want to hope that they are a bigger person than you are... otherwise, quite frankly, you're f*cked, love.

Remember, what you put out there comes back three(or seven*)fold. Karma's a b*tch and often, so become your victims, when you treat them like dirt.

I'm happy. If you can't be happy for me, then that's your problem.

I'm nice. If you can't be nice to me, then that's your issue.

I'm good. If you can't be good too, then that's your failing.

I'm having fun. If you can't have fun with me, then you're missing out.

Just sayin'...

A note from my friend's kids. They know what it's all about.

*depending on which tales you listen to...

Summer of Slipper: Out and About (and hiding a little bit)

The nights are drawing in, the weather is cooling off, my opaque tights are out, my morning commute is full of kids (but thankfully not my evening one any more), the shops are full of berry shades and my Sky+ is full of new season telly.

Autumn is here! Yippee.

I love autumn.

But before autumn comes summer. This summer was a BUSY one, and an emotional one. Aside from attending 237,546 weddings (only a slight exaggeration) and some amazing and exciting events, trips and parties almost every weekend, I also had a lot of stuff to deal with. Rubbish stuff. It almost broke me. Almost.

For that reason, I was a bad blogger. Despite doing a ton of cool stuff, that I loved and enjoyed and appreciated, I wasn't at my most effusive.

But that's enough about that.

Now, though, I'm full of back-to-school beans. These past two weeks at work have been ALL the busy, I've got some exciting and amazing adventures coming up, and generally have lots to look forward to. Not least A/W clothing, a few trips and the countdown to Christmas.

Despite finding it hard to use my words (to quote TC), I didn't find it hard to use my camera, so, in pictures (and a few links), here's what you missed this summer...



Tea, cake and a nosey around Buckingham Palace with my Tea Shop Luvvies

More Mad Hatter's afternoon tea at The Sanderson Hotel. Read about the last time I went here.

I went back to the stadium, to re-live last year's London 2012 memories

The boy and I took a teeny tiny mini/city break to Barcelona. Read about it on Florence Finds.

Afternoon tea with a twist at BRGR.co Soho

Champagne tasting at Searcys Champagne Bar at One New Change with some lovely ladies

A special someone came to visit. We talked a LOT. We drank even more at Aqua. CP+CT+VH=4evs

We made hats out of junk in a field at Fling Festival.

I drank my house dry on the 1st anniversary of moving in - and slept on the front lawn.

I had WAY too many G&Ts

I tingled with goosebumps as I watched my fave Shakespeare play at midnight

I checked out Queenie's pimped up ride at The Royal Mews

I saw Harry Pot... sorry D-Rad on stage. And he was, surprisingly, flipping amazing!

I saw Top Hat and yearned for Strictly to come back soon... and for an occasion to wear a sparkly, feathered ballgown

My knees went wobbly as i looked down over London from The View at The Shard. Read about it on Florence Finds.

We were slightly disappointed by the 80s Club to Catwalk exhibition at the V&A



We hung out at Tom's Terrace and embarrassed ourselves for Claire's 30th

 

We checked out some new funky places, including this one... with cocktails. on. tap. That's right...

I got an education in weird wine, in the comfort of my backgarden...



... with my Pineapple Club ladies

When I look back, actually, the "sad" is starting to fade. I reckon before the first live show of X Factor 2013 it'll all be a distant memory.

Happy autumn, peeps!

Wear sunscreen

Remember this?

We were talking about it at work this week. It makes my skin tingle with nostalgia as I get sentimental about times past. It makes my brain fizzle with anticipation as I think about the times to come... 

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99 - Wear Sunscreen

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience… I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing  bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind, The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40. Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary... whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance
Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasise that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you.

Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.

Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

Turning thirty

So I mentioned that I have a birthday coming up. A big one. 

Tomorrow I turn thirty.

Yay me!

And then I thought no, not yay me, but oh my I turn thirty in a matter of hours and I have so much left to do before then…

And I’m not talking about party admin or outfit planning, I’m talking about life!

I have so much more to do with my life before I turn thirty… I started to panic about the fact that I don’t have a bucket list.

I never learned Japanese – is there time? Can I do that overnight with one of those audio CDs?

I haven’t bungee jumped – and now never will, after that unfortunate incident with the crocs.

I haven’t run the marathon – thank god – it sounds and looks like hell!

I haven’t started my own business – I just haven’t had the time… but who does?

I haven’t seen the Northern Lights – if I spend a fortune flying there, who can guarantee I’ll see them?

I haven’t… erm…

Oh!

Well, I thought about it and there aren’t really any proper goals I set out to achieve before turning 30, just two pretty standard ones.

The first was to visit every inhabited continent. I achieved that in March. Go me.

The second, was to earn a six figure salary. Well, I set that goal in my first year of sixth form. I then interned in the marketing department at an automotive OEM in my third year of university and realised that it was an entirely unrealistic goal with my chosen career path, and one that would leave me sorely disappointed. I revised that goal to read “I shall double my starting salary (i.e. the salary from my first full time job after leaving uni) by the time I reach 30”. And again, I scraped in by the skin of my teeth this year. Also, go me!

I cut it fine with both of them. But so what. I set a goal and a time limit and I did it.

If I’m honest, I could have achieved them long ago had I made different choices over the past ten years. Had I taken a year out to go travelling, had I stayed in financial services, or been a bit more ambitious cut-throat about my career decisions.

But I didn’t and I wasn’t.

I made those decisions and I look back and I’m comfortable with everything I did. In hindsight would I have changed anything? Errrrrrrrrrrm….

Nope.

And do you know why?

Because I wasn’t living my life on the basis of a list of things I wrote down and ticking them off. I’m normally a list maker – party planning, holiday packing, outfit construction, new year resolutions. But I made those two goals as a loose life plan (i.e. see the world and earn enough money, to do so in some level of comfort) and until a few months ago I hadn’t really given them much thought – they kind of just happened.

Now I’m questioning myself. Why didn’t I bother with a bucket list? Should I have been a bit more organised about my life plan?

I suppose I don’t have a bucket list because, despite planning everything else IN my life to the letter, I left the direction of my life in general, to take its own course. I think I’ve just always been satisfied, no, actually, I think the word is happy, with who I am, where I’m going, why I’m going there and with whom I am travelling! If I want to do/buy/have/experience something, I just get on with it and do it, or at least attempt to. If I don’t want to do it, there’s usually some reason why and I move on.  If I can’t do it, I may have a little tantrum and then get over it and on with something else. I didn’t say “I want to be married before I’m thirty” I said “I feel like we’re ready to get married – let’s get the hell on with it”. Yes I set him a deadline, yes I planned that wedding. To. The. Letter.  But it wasn’t because it was on a list. It was because I just wanted to do it. I haven’t ticked a load of items off a list because I don’t feel like I’ve needed to. Obviously I have down days where I covet someone else’s life/belongings/bank balance (you know, like a Chanel handbag or something), but essentially, I’m happy floating (and sometimes plodding) along in Victoria World!

I’ve seen a lot of the (actual) world, and I will spend the rest of my life exploring more of it.

I own a lovely home and we’re about to buy a new one.

I have a good job in a great company.

I am surrounded by wonderful people – my husband, my family, my friends…

I drive a nice car, I have a pretty cool wardrobe, I had an amazeballs wedding, I have a great collection of shoes, we own more DVDs that your average Blockbuster. I’ve eaten high quality caviar and drunk f**k off expensive champagne. I’ve watched the sun set over seven continents and stayed up to watch it rise more times than I can count (in the usual places like an Ibizan beach and the more unusual like a hill in Sheffield). I’ve had a “lock in” with the Beefeaters at the Tower of London, partied with celebrities and been “papped” leaving a London club (they wanted the celeb – not me!). I’ve danced my heart out under the open sky in the rain and the sun. I’ve been proposed to in a snow-drifted Central Park. I’ve spoken to my friends as they felt their contractions and held a baby that’s only hours old. I’ve saved an almost-drowning child (when I was only a child myself) and I’ve stepped in to fights I’ve seen on the streets (and on a train) to protect those less able to protect themselves. I’ve been swimming with dolphins, hyperventilated whilst scuba diving and discovered a talent for windsurfing. I’ve eaten an oyster and hated it. I’ve eaten foie gras and (sorry) I liked it. I’ve donated blood and been very close to donating my bone marrow. I’ve been a bridesmaid three times, and still managed to be a bride. I’ve had my heart broken and I’ve had it fixed. I’ve been to the biggest party on Earth, and survived! I’ve been disappointed, I’ve been proud and I’ve been humbled. I’ve chosen not to dabble with Ouija boards, but have tried my luck with tarot. I’ve always been honest, and it’s often gotten me in to trouble. I learned to dance professionally, just for fun. I’ve swum a mile for the sake of a badge. I’ve turned up to the wrong exam, having done no prep, and managed to ace it, with a borrowed book and an hour of cramming on the floor in the corridor. I’ve bunked off school, I got a tattoo and (whilst plucking up the courage) got my belly button and ears pierced an unnecessary number of times! I’ve embarrassed myself more times than I care to remember.  I got drunk when I was far too young to understand what my hangover was from stolen dregs as a grown up party. I’ve learned a new language, and I’ve never used it. I’ve flunked a subject at uni (bringing my average down so I didn’t get the First I was predicted) so I could see Girls Aloud mime on a stage in Great Yarmouth. I’ve been in very serious trouble and learned from my mistake. I’ve fallen asleep under the stars, and in a toilet cubicle. I’ve partied all night, showered and gone straight to work. I’ve partied all night and I’ve slept so long that I’ve missed almost a whole weekend. I’ve never touched a cigarette nor an illegal drug, but I have broken in to the medicine cabinet, worked out the child lock and eaten a while bottle of Hariborange. I’ve fallen off a (very big) horse, and gotten straight back on. I’ve worked for some of the most well-known companies in the world, and I’ve worked as a shot girl in the grottiest clubs you’ll ever see. I have seen a dead body and I was strong. I have thrown a coin in the Trevi fountain and I will one day return.

What haven’t I done?

Looooooooooads.

What do I want to do?

Looooooooooads.

But I don’t need a list.

So I'll see you on the other side… It’s all downhill  still uphill to 40, or so I’ve heard!

When can I be you?

me being the chick off the vodka menu at Revolution... or a lady bird. Either or.

I don’t really wish that I was anyone else but me, living any other life than my own, but every now and again, usually in the middle of my morning commute, I have a flicker of a fantasy and dream that I might be someone else*, some recent faves would be:

1. The Duchess of Cambridge – well, obvs. Who wouldn’t want to have walked down that aisle in that dress on that day? And I bet even she sits there sometimes dreaming of wearing that crown
2.  P.Middy – see above.
3. Nigella/Kirstie (interchangeable in my head) – because they make being a domestic goddess look so fabulous and fun. In reality it is neither!
4. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley – uh, you’ve seen her, right? 
5. Holly Willobooby – because I would love to just sit and chat on a sofa all day, with Phil, in pretty dresses, and get paid for it. Oh, and also because I would like to be besties with Fearne!

Ask me on a different day and I’m likely to give you another name, based on the book I’m reading, the magazine I’m flicking through or what I’m watching on telly.  Sometimes fantasy world is way more fun than the real world. Only sometimes though!

To counter the above I would also like to tell you about people I am glad that I’m not…

Well, firstly, the above

1. Can you imagine the pressure? Jeez. I bet she just wants to put on a hoodie put her hair in a messy pony and pop round to her mate’s for a cuppa. Unlucky. Also, one word – Diana!
2. The most famous “second prize” in the world.
3. What if they just want to eat a pot noodle? Or buy a wardrobe from Ikea?
4. Imagine trying to change careers from “gorgeous bit” to “talented actress” or “UN  Ambassador” or “political candidate”…
5. Hmmmm – I can see no negatives here. oh... I didn't plan that one very well did I?

And a few others:    

1. Angelina Jolie – she looks so flipping stressed out. Chill out. Eat biscuits. Get a baby sitter. Crack a god damn smile
2. Victoria Beckham – give her a break
3. Lady Gaga – how would I admire her if I was her (this also goes for Madonna)
4. Gwyneth Paltrow – the most boring woman in the world? What I would do with her life if I could get my hands on it...
5. Kate Moss – she must be flipping knackered! I bet she’s gagging for a lie down and a detox
6. Lindsay Lohan – one word: whoops
7. Britney Spears – I mean, no one likes getting up and going to work, but at least when I’m having a “I hate my job” day I don’t have millions of people looking at me expecting me to be something I was ten years ago
8. Cheryl Cole – someone give that girl a hug
9. Winona Ryder – loo. laa.
10. Jennifer Aniston – Great body, great hair, great comic timing – great big fat ex splashed all over the papers every day with his new bird and their 25 kids. Mmmmmmmotivational!

So there you go kids. Be true to yourself, the grass isn’t always greener, be who you are and be happy in your own skin… or some other kind of motivational message. Being rich/gorgeous/famous/the future Queen isn’t all it’s cracked up to be…

* Please note that this is different to girl crushes! You can’t have a girl crush on yourself now, can you?

Sparkly rainbow socks

This week was a bit rubbish. In fact, thus far, the whole year hasn’t been great.

Various things were getting me down, and I was finding it very hard to be cheerful, but then all of a sudden this morning, and I have no idea why it happened today, I felt so much happier.

Maybe it’s because it’s pay day? Because it was finally the end of the week, or because I knew I was getting Thai takeaway for dinner? Maybe it was because I have a feeling that, of the eight houses we’re viewing tomorrow, I think one of them will be the one we buy? Maybe it was because I ate chocolate panettone for breakfast? Maybe it’s because I had an arty-crafty evening planned, because I ticked some things off my to-do list at work, and sorted out some personal admin? Maybe it’s because Blue Monday is over with and everything has to get better now. Maybe it’s because it’s my birthday next week?

Maybe it was because I wore socks covered in glittery rainbows in my Uggs en route to the station?

Who knows. Who cares. What matters is that I cheered the hell up.

And this is why.

I have LOTS to be happy about. Obviously I highlighted a few of those things in this little “looking back and looking forward” post on new year’s eve and new year’s day, but the list should run deeper than that, i.e. in to my soul… not my diary!

I know I might have my whinging and whining periods (sorry guys!), but I promise you, every night when I get in to bed I say my prayers (in a particular order, due to an OCD thing I developed as a child) and then I also say a little list of thank yous.

For example:

1.       I’m thankful for the loving, supportive people that surround me

2.       I’m thankful for my healthy, fully functioning, mind and body (most of the time)

3.       I’m thankful for the roof over my head and the food in my fridge

4.       I’m thankful for the choices that I have

5.       I’m thankful for the experiences I have had and those that are yet to come

It’s not a religious thing, not a spiritual nor a superstitious thing – though those three things figure a lot in my life, but shall remain private.

It’s just my pragmatic side.

No matter what’s going on, when I’m ranting about the glass half empty, woe is me, I’m so hard done to and life isn’t fair, I know that at the end of every day, I will sit and take stock and be realistic.

I give myself a mental slap, and then a mental cuddle.

Life doesn’t always go the way I want it to, things don’t always go to plan, people will let me down, things will upset me, things will go horribly wrong, I may cry, I may shout, I may be nasty and then feel ashamed or sad.

But at the end of the day (literally), it always turns out ok. I make sure of it.

Night night

J

P.s. I also purchased lots of shoes. That helps cheer me up a lot!

Blue Monday

Yesterday was Blue Monday. Apparently it's mathematically the most depressing day of the year. I'm not going to lie, it wasn't the best day for me. In fact it was pretty cr*ppy.

I was officially the Chief Grumpus. But you know what? A onsie, a cuddle, a cuppa, a Toffee Crisp, a chat, a hot water bottle and some sleep made it all better. Mostly.

Sleep and love make it all better. Oh, and a onsie!

Do you want to hear the best bit?

If that was the most depressing day of the year, things can only get better from now on, right?

I am determined to cheer my ar*e up from now on in...

Diamonds AREN'T a girl's best friend

Girls are.

Today I read Grazia magazine for the first time in ages. For the last few months I’ve been ploughing through the Song of Ice and Fire series on my daily commutes, and so there hasn’t been much time for magazines. But my god I missed them. Those books are deeeeeeeeeeeeeepressing. I’m on book four of seven (though the third book is split in to two parts, so really I’ve read five!) and my word, they need to lighten up and stop killing, maiming and raping and just chill the hell out. I have book-completion OCD so I’m going to have to finish the series before HBO over sexualises them and slaps them all over Sky Atlantic but I’m allowing myself a little break whilst I wait for the paperback version of book five. It has to be a pretty special book for me to carry a hardback, THAT big around.

Anyway, back to Grazia. I was reading a story about a girl who, in reference to Angelina’s confession that she had no female friends, also admitted that she had no friends.

This news did not shock me.  

To start, of COURSE Angelina has no girlie friends. Every female on the planet is scared that she’ll lure their HABs in to her sex-nest with vials of blood and keep them there forever, so most sane women steer well clear (well done Vanessa!). Secondly, she’s doesn’t strike me as the “pop round for a cuppa and a gossip” kinda gal. I mean, she has like twenty kids or something, as if she has time, she’s ripped (clearly not enough Jaffa Cake dunking*) and probably spends 22 hours a day in the gym/avoiding food and she lives in houses all over the world, depending on what she’s filming. Of course she doesn’t do Victoria Beckham/Eva Longoria-style girlie nights in!

But, back to the journalist. Where the Angelina story didn’t even make me blink, the journalist’s story saddened me. She, at her own admission, sounded so lonely. Granted, she said her husband was her best mate, as he well should be in my humble opinion. As is mine, God love him. But as I sat there on the train home, I thought about how much time I spend alone, due to Mr G’s work. How many events, parties, big occasions I have to go to on my own due to his anti-social shift patterns. If I didn’t have my friends (and also my, and his, family) I would be a very lonely girl. There’s always someone around for a girlie night in, a girlie night out or to take his place at a big event. That is why I’m unlikely to ever move far from my current hometown – I don’t cope well with solitude and loneliness, and especially not without my best girls. 



Hens. The memories. I heart.

 Because of my own reliance on my girlfriends, I spent most of my twenties being suspicious of girls that didn't have close female friends. As I embark upon my thirties I feel sorry for them. I speak about my friends on here a lot. And that’s because I couldn’t imagine my life without them. I know I'm not alone in having this tight circle of girlfriends - books and articles are written about sisterhood, songs sung about girl power and sticking with your girls, TV programmes and films are made about groups of girls and how they live their lives with each other. Girls and their friendships will always be a much-covered subject, and part of my everyday life. Part of my every waking moment. This is not a unique scenario, but to me, my friends are the best ever, and so I shall tell you about them, in fact, about us below.

There’s the group of eight girls from school that I would call my Besties, and within that group, close partnerships have formed and ever-evolving sub-groups are created depending on our current life scenarios – motherhood, travelling, city life. We've come a long way together, we’re as close as family, sometimes bickering like family as well. But try and break us from the outside and we’re like dogs (no b!tch comments please), loyal to the very, very end, no matter what has gone before. We regroup and come back fighting - for each other. We may have become friends before we even hit our teens, when our lives were all very similar, but now, amongst us there are marrieds, co-habitees and sexy singletons, career girls, stay at home mums, working mums, homebodies and perpetual travellers. Those that are a bit more grown up and settled and those that are slightly less so, but I think I can speak for us all when I say that we wouldn’t be without each other, and we certainly wouldn’t be who we are, where we are or with the people that we are, without each other. We boost each other, nuture each other, look after each other and support each other.*



Old School

There’s also another little group of three of us, also my Besties. We were thrown together by a number of chance meetings, and on reflection we can’t believe it took us so long to meet, with all the chances and crossed-path opportunities there were. We are, again, a super-close little group, at similar stages in our lives and we are never very far from one another, physically or mentally. I joke about us being Disney Princesses or the Powder Puff Girls from Nickelodeon – a blond, a redhead and a brunette (me), it’s like we were born to be a set. People are wrong when they say Three’s a Crowd. I agree with Andy Warhol. Three’s a party! Add in both their rather lovely sisters (I’m so lucky I get two lots of two-for-one) and that’s a full blown rave! Everyone who meets them at my parties comments on how I should hire them out as a comedy double act. Well I shan’t they’re mine. All mine!


Disney Princesses through the ages - and dressing up box!



Then there’s a little group of ladies I like to call my Luvvies or the Tea Bags. Some of the Luvvies are are closer to my mother’s age than mine (one, even, is older than my mum), but I formed some strong friendship bonds with them during my nine-year stint working together at a tea shop (hence the name the Tea Bags!) and quite frankly I have so much fun giggling, gossiping and gobbling cake and cocktails with these ladies over the years that I also couldn’t imagine living my life without them. They are wise, offer a different perspective on things to my friends that are closer to my age, and never fail to cheer me up. 



The Luvvies

 Along the way I’ve acquired other girlfriends too in various walks of life, particularly at work. I’m not going to name names, but you know who you are. Someone wise once said to me “you don’t go to work to make friends, you go to work to get your head down and get on with it”. She’s normally right, but not always. I would say I’ve made some lovely girlfriends in the workplace. We spend more time in the office than we do at home, and it’s not always nice, so having wonderful colleagues to help and support you through it, makes all the difference - that's how they become true friends. Friends from home will be equally supportive but having someone who knows, who understands the exact circumstances and the context of your issue makes a big difference. So you can’t help but bond more closely with the people sharing it with you. I wouldn’t change those dark days for anything – out of those dark days came wonderful friendships. No matter where in the world my colleagues and ex-colleagues are, you are with me every day that I sit at my computer (not just in my inbox!) helping me through daily working life.  





My two-for-ones



Add to the above, that each of my girlfriends comes complete with her own little family that has welcomed me in, whether it’s their siblings, children, partners, or their own extended friendship groups, they have in turn become friends of mine too. The fact that we’re tied together, means we’re tied to each other’s families too. And I love it. I grew up with these girls, and continue to grow with them, and so their families are as much a part of my life as they are, as my family is to them.



the boys.

I’m not going to mention the boys. I love ‘em, but this is about my girls. However, I will thank the boys (most of whom I’ve been mates with longer than I’ve been with  Mr G), as, along with the boys come the WAGs, and, though we may not have known each other for yonks, like my own girlfriends, within this little group I have not only a wonderful support network for when the boys just send us over the edge, but again made some lovely friends for life. It’s not unusual to find other WAGs that I can bond with – our boys are besties, so it makes sense that they’re with girls that get along independently. I’m not going to lie, things haven’t always run smoothly, but every day that we grow as a group, we grow as friends. 





The WAGs on tour - but two beautiful faces are missing :-(

Some special ladies that are technically family and even god-family, well, you're also friends. Special kinds of friends. The rest, I've acquired them along the way, they can always walk away... you and I come as a package and you're stuck with me forever, thanks to blood and vows to a higher power! I've never had sisters, but i've had friends that are as close as sisters. Now I have a little collection of "sisters" (and you Jo - I count you in there too!) that I love like friends!

 

Three of the four "god-sisters" :-)

Other friends I've made along the way at university, primary school, dance school, through family, on holidays, even as a result of my wedding - they are all important to me too, but probably hard to classify in to groups and I'd be here all night typing about them, but you get the picture!

 



family also count as friends :-)



But this isn’t just about times of support and help (that would be a bit selfish - and besides, I like to think that I give my support and assistance back in equal measures), but about times of celebrations. The birthdays, the hen dos, the weddings, the baby showers, the mad rush to the hospital when babies arrive, when we christen those babies and celebrate their birthdays… those wonderful special occasions wouldn’t have been anywhere near as magical without my girls to share them with.

As I learn to do things (mortgages, careers, marriage, maybe children) my girlfriends are doing them with me and are helping me along. As I encounter problems they're encountering them with me. They're a ready-made support network.

 

There's always someone who can help, both emotionally and practically. Within my group of closest girlfriends there are designers, artists, architects, singers, lawyers, hairdressers, accountants, stylists. No matter what my issue, question, problem there's always someone to assist.

I feel sorry for the girl in Grazia because my world wouldn’t be a world without my friends. They are the glue that holds my life together.

I’ve said it before but I’ll repeat it from my earlier post:

"Thank you to my friends, just for being amazing. You water me when I need to grow, you applaud me when I succeed, you hold me when I need to cry and you bandage me when I need to heal. Hallmark isn't wrong when it says that Friends are the family you choose for yourself"

(Me, 1^st September 2011)



Will we always be friends? I think so, and I damn well hope so. Some of us have come and gone, and eventually returned, some of us have stayed firmly put, but in the end we always end up together. Maybe our geographical proximity will mean that we can’t walk away from each other? I'm sure I'll keep making new friends as well, as I start a family, change jobs, travel the world. Either way, no matter where in the world we are, nor what reason we are there, home is where my family and my friends reside. And I know my girls feel the same way. And if I'm honest I think we always will.
Home is where the heart is, and my friends and family live there too!

Journo from Grazia – if you’re ever in my ‘hood, swing by and we’ll go out for a drink.

Mwah

* and we all said as much in a special book I made for Kim's 30th birthday: http://www.blurb.com/user/store/vikihalo

N.B. If your face is missing - don't take offence, I just couldn't find appropriate photos. But you're here in my head, and my heart, where it matters...