Pub furniture kleptomania

On Easter Sunday, The Mister and I went out for a lovely late lunch at a local pub.

He'd been working all weekend so it was a nice time to catch up, eat some scrummy food, consume a little bit of late-afternoon fizz and generally chill out together.

It's a quirky little place full of mis-matched furniture, kitsch decor (you know I love kitsch) and hidden snuggly corners.

It was in one of those corners that I spied this little beauty:

I wanted to steal it SO badly... but, you know, with The Mister's job being dependent on law-abiding-citizen-ness (although, aren't most?) and all, he was less than enthusiastic about my idea to cause a distraction while I tried to hot-foot it out the door with a brightly coloured armchair.

Hmph.

Amazingly, my buddy Jasmine recognised the chair (I Instagrammed, Tweeted and Facebooked it almost immediately upon sight - obvs) and found me a link to buy my very own.

Shall we all chip in and rotate it bewteen us?

Kitsch Clutter: Alessi heart spoons

How cute are these heart spoons by Alessi? Uh, I think the answer you are looking for is SO CUTE!

Wouldn't they work perfectly with my heart bowls? One for cream, one for jam, one for butter and one for my tea cup...

Obsession: Collective Nouns

I'm a geek about a lot of things. Ok, I'm a geek about most things. But this is next obsession is not just beyond geeky, it's

beyond

awesome.

I love, love, LOVE collective nouns. I don't know why, maybe it's because of my obsession with themes and collections? Maybe it's because they are so clever in their description? Maybe it's because they evoke such great visuals in my imagination?

Whatever the reason, I just love thinking about them, discovering new ones, and speculating on what as-yet-unknown ones may be (a dither of lawyers anyone?!?), so when I discovered this website I felt a little faint with excitement.

A website dedicated to collective nouns? Oh good lord.

A website dedicated to collective nouns and corresponding pictures? WOW!

A website dedicated to collective nouns and corresponding pictures that you can purchase and put on your wall as nerdy artwork? I nearly died...

A website dedicated to collective nouns, corresponding pictures that you can purchase and put on your wall as nerdy artwork, created by the graphic designers from Harry Potter?!?!?!?! *THUD*

That was me fainting.

Screw Flora and the Flamingo.

A Zeal of Zebras is my new favourite book.

Possibly my fave?

(I don't really mean that, I spoke too quickly. I will love them both equally)

Kitsch clutter: Duck foot lamp

I really, really want to buy this Porta Romana lamp.

This stripey (!!), black and white (!!), duck foot (??) lamp.

But for two reasons I shan't:

1) I re-watched the first episode of Lemon La Vida Loca the other day and not only did I spot my Bubble Dog on Keith Lemon's coffee table, but I found myself saying "oh, that's brilliant, I love it!" about his hideous Cribs-parody decor. (Help. Me.)

2) I don't have £818

Kitsch Clutter: English Gent

I found more kitsch clutter for my home. Yes, yes. Pity Mr G.

I feel like these next items are ones that I'm coveting, not only for their own charms, but also for the way they perfectly complement what I've just noticed is an emerging theme: The English Gent.

So, we already have the moustache and the specs appearing in the conservatory Orangery, so what better way to "top off" the English Gent look, than literally, with a bowler hat?

I want us to have this Jeeves lighting from Design55 so badly.

Shame my bank balance doesn't.

Find the Jeeves pendant light, table lamp and wall light online at these links! And if you do, don't tell me about it, because I'll be well jell.

Now, what I need is something pocket watch and cane themed...

Oh! Oh!

You know who else loves a pocket watch? The White Rabbit. And there you have it. All (decorating) roads lead to Alice!

Kitsch Clutter: The Tash!

I have an addictive personality. I find one thing I like (stripes, flamingos, Alice in Wonderland, nautical, owls) and I become obsessed and snap up everything I can get my grubby little mitts on. I like to collect. I like sets. I like a theme. But don't forget I don't like matchy-matchy.

One of my most recent obsessions? Moustaches.

Recent tash acquisitions include a book bag, some soft furnishings and quite often, one on my face (I seem to be drawn to tash parties). Mr G grew one for our NYE party but I made him remove it the next morning. I like fake tashes, not real ones!

Apologies to people that keep receiving tashes for presents!

 Next on my list is this mat for the conservatory Orangery.



Moustache Doormat from Design55

Kitsch clutter: Flamingo Fun!

I've mentioned before that I have a mild obsession with H&M. And you may or may not know that I've been obsessed with flamingos since, well, forever I think.

It think it's all part of my over-arching addiction to kitsch and retro-Americana in general and I think it stems from my adoration of the Alice in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass books as a child, and also my love of the colour pink.

My dad got some life-life (ish) flamingo models for our post-wedding garden party as a surprise for me (everyone must think they have such bad taste in garden ornaments) and I longed to stay for one night in that themed Pink Flamingo motel in California (but it looked a bit icky) and I can't resist a one-legged pose outside the Flamingo casino in Vegas.

In fact, I just can't resist Vegas. It's the Kitsch Mecca!

  

With that in mind, but bearing in mind that I have a very conservative/kitsch-averse husband, I've been wanting to decorate one of our spare rooms with a subtle nod to Alice in Wonderland. I wanted some black and white stripes in there, some flouncy pale blue, some flamingo wall paper, some tea cup lamps and some wall art from Etsy.  Sounds , erm, hideous? In my head it looks awesome. 

Promise!



Alice artwork from here, here and here

  

Next tea cup lamp

Mr G said a maaaaaaybe to the flamingo wallpaper, and then saw the samples and said no. So that kind of threw the rest out as well.

So that was a NO to the Alice room and a NO to the flamingo invasion?

Whatever.

It's happening.  What about a faux white leather bar and an army of bubble dogs whilst we're at it? Hmmm. Since then I've slowly been introducing flamingos/Alice/general kitsch gaudiness to our home, little bits at a time, and hopefully under the anti-kitsch radar. Amongst other things... 

 

 

• I recently bought a sparkly silver flamingo from Paperchase - I think I'll pop him on my dressing table (the room is white, silver and soft grey – works perfectly, perfectly I tell you);
• I managed to get some black and white stripes up in the bathroom (pics coming as soon as it's finished!) and some Malibu Cheesecake almost-naked ladies (and the not naked parts are covered in pink feathers - possibly flamingo ones. Who knows?) up on the wall;
• I snuck in a friend for my original bubble dog and a weird glass-but-looks-like-a-plastic-bottle vase to the dining room;
• I bought a gross-but-cute "Love" ornament because we saw the life size version in NYC when we got engaged; and
• I have been sneakily purchasing flamingo pictures (from here and here) to put on the wall wherever possible.

New flamingo pictures for the bathroom

So, anyway, back to H&M, (there was a point to this post, I promise!) I was going at this Kitsch Clutter implementation plan softly, softly  with one item at a time until I saw this new flamingo stuff on their website.

Oh good lord!

Sorry Mr G – we're having pink and turquoise flamingo guest towels and pink flamingo duvet covers and if I can manage it, a plastic flamingo shower curtain, there's NOTHING you can do about it. NOTHING.

Prepare for a flamingo invasion.

INCOMIIIING!

P.S. how cool that I have a whole new category of posts "Kitsch Clutter" just to showcase all the kitsch and tacky crap I buy on a weekly basis, that Mr G works tirelessly to break/hide/remove.

Spiffing.