This weekend was Mr G’s birthday weekend, and as he well and
truly spoiled me with some very special dining locations (as well as some
beeeoootiful bling) I thought it only right to repay the favour! I’ll do a
proper rundown when the weekend is out, but for now I’ll do a little review of
Dinner by Heston Blumenthal… which was TOTES AMAZE!
Tables are released at 9am on the first day of the month,
for the month that follows. So on March 1st there I was trying
desperately to bag a table via the online booking system. By 8 minutes past
literally everything was gone! Or so I thought. A few refreshes, and I managed
to find a table at 10.15 or 6.15. Neither was ideal, but beggars can’t be choosers
so I went for the earlier table, knowing that there’s a lovely bar there and we
could stick around afterwards for a few drinks.
In the end, with a few pleading phone calls, I managed to
hustle the booking back to 7.00pm, which, although still a bit too early, was a
much more reasonable time.
We arrived at 6.55pm (SO EARLY!) and were shown straight
through to our Hyde Park-view, kitchen-view table by the friendliest meeters-and-greeters
I’ve ever been met-and-greeted by (you know how sometimes in places like this
they’re a bit snotty, Pretty Woman style?), and from that moment the wait staff
were on us, bringing the cocktail list, pouring water, explaining the menu concept
and describing the specials. Normally I find this a bit overwhelming and I just
want to be left alone for ten minutes to read the menu myself, but these guys
were so charming, chatty and helpful that it was actually very welcome. For “we-work-in-a-way-posh-restaurant”
wait staff, they were fun, friendly and normal, made conversation and jokes and
actually spoke to use like human beings. You know how snotty waiters can
sometimes make you feel a bit small with
the way they talk to you? Well these guys were great and so deserve a special
mention!
Anyway, the food! The menu is basically a compilation of
modern takes on Ye Olde Englishe dishes, some dating back
as far as 1390. For a meat-and-offal-averse moi it wasn’t the most appealing
menu, but I managed to find at least two or three items in each course that
sounded appetising.
We decided against the specials but took the waiter’s advice
on our main dishes where we were undecided and also their recommendation on the
dessert, which had to be ordered with the first two courses as it took two
hours to cook… more on that later.
Anyway, we got started with a glass of champagne, as it was
a special occasion, and selected our food. Mr G went for the Rice and Flesh, which apparently dates from c.1390, basically a saffron risotto with calf tail and red wine. I didn’t
try any as I was too busy tucking in to my Meat
Fruit which, according to the write ups mimics Tudor serving styles, where meat
was dressed up to resemble fruit to trick the eyes and tastebuds and surprise
diners at Royal feasts. A ha!! There’s the Heston-ness I was looking for! It
came out looking like a glossy mandarin
orange on a wooden board, but was actually the smoothest chicken liver parfait I’ve
ever eaten, surrounded by a citrusy mandarin gel and accompanied by a slice of
grilled bread (the waiters pointed out that the leaves and stalk were just for
decoration, and not to eat them. Ok then!). It was literally one of the
tastiest things I’ve ever had the pleasure to eat! I wanted to gobble it down
so fast because it was so tasty, but equally I wanted to take tiny, slow bites
to make it last forever. In the end I was spreading it so thinly, in order to
make it last longer, I had to request a second slice of bread (after declining
the first offer), which, incidentally arrived so quickly they were either
watching and waiting for the request (I’m clearly not the only one who employed
this tactic), or they swiped it off someone else’s plate!
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| Meat Fruit! |
Eventually I finished it and whilst we waited for our mains
to arrive we perused the wine list, opting for a two different reds by the
glass. A Rioja for Mr G to accompany his Spiced
Pigeon (dating from 1780) served in ale and with artichokes and a Malbec
for yours truly to wash down the Powdered
Duck Breast. Which also deserves a special mention. It was served with
Umbles (apparently duck, erm, offal) which I tried not to think about as I ate
them (but damn they were tasty) and chard. But on further investigation I discovered
that Umbles are where the term “Humble Pie” originates.
Apparently, these animal leftovers were made in to pies and served to the lower
classes, and so represented an inferior food. How times have changed? Now,
Michelin starred restaurants serve them to people at £30 a plate! Good old
Heston… I love that there’s always a story!
Anyway, back to the actual food. It was amazing. A.Mazing.
My knife sliced through that duck breast like it was butter. I now truly get
what people mean when they say “melt in the mouth”. To accompany our mains we
ordered some buttered carrots (delicious) and some mashed potato. Well, I call
it mashed potato, it was more like liquid potato. I spooned it on to my plate
with the texture of whipped cream. Not normally a mashed potato lover, this
stuff made me want to ram my face in the bowl and not come up for air until it
was gone!
By the time I had finished my main course I was starting to
salivate about the dessert. I mean, if you have to order it in advance of your
first two courses, it has to be something special, right?
RIGHT!
I waited patiently, and to tide me over, ordered a cocktail (a
Chelsea Gardener) in THE most
amazing coupe I’ve ever laid my eyes and hands on, whilst Mr G perused the
dessert menu.
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| Most amazing cocktail coupe, ever! |
He’s not a dessert person (UNLUCKY!), so he declined the
offer of pre-ordering this fabled dessert but I pushed him to pick one, because
I think it would have been silly not to. And I was right. He chose Poached rhubarb with rosehip jam and
rhubarb sorbet (a recipe from c.1590) it was like a work of art. Culinary
art. It was divine. But it didn’t even get close to mine.
The waiter placed my Tipsy
Cake and spit-roasted pineapple (c.1810)
in front of me with the words “this is my favourite, it’s is simple, but…
amazing”.
Oh my days. It was amazing. It was briochey, gooey,
caramelly, tipsy, pineappley amazingness on a plate. Or, in fact, on a slate. I’m
not even going to try and describe it. It’s clearly a very special dish as there
is a glowing pineapple hovering over the reception desk and every staff member I
spoke to (at the cloakroom, in reception, en route to the ladies, in the bar)
asked if I’d tried it. They all told me it was their favourite. If they get to
eat it that often, maybe I should apply for a job there…
You remember that scene in Curly Sue where she enjoys the
pizza so much that she does that cute, but slightly uncouth, all-ten-finger-licking-thing?
Well, that was what I felt like doing after every course.
We asked for the bill (with fear and trepidation) and, when
it arrived with two little chocolate and orange blossom mousse pots (to sweeten
the blow, I suspect), I was rather surprised at how much it didn’t amount to. Clearly
the chocolate offering worked on me! Don’t get me wrong, it was in no way
cheap, but for the level of service, the ambience, the food and the taste, I think
it was well worth it for a special occasion.
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| The bill-sweetener! |
We finished off the evening with some drinks in the Mandarin Bar, and then a white cosmopolitan n Bar Boulud (in the basement of the Mandarin
Oriental). I was offered one on a work show-round back in September but had to
decline, so being so close it was rude not to step in and sample it! I was not
disappointed.
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| Long awaited White Cosmo in Bar Boulud |
In fact I was far from not disappointed with the whole
night. I was in fact elated. It was a fabulous night in a fabulous location
filled with fabulous food and drink. It also turns out that the three dishes I chose
are the three main dishes the food critics have been writing about. I’m glad I didn’t
read up about the menu before we went as i picked these dishes off my own back,
and made my own decisions about them.
When I am once again solvent/sober enough to return I shall
do so with excitement!
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| The floating pineapple in reception! |
