How can I be a grown up when I still go to parties/bars/clubs and fall asleep in the toilet/throw up on myself (and other people)/become that person that's asleep on the sofa while other guests balance things on my alcohol-deadened body.
How can I be a grown up when I still get excited about going to Disneyland?
How can I be a grown up when I get so drunk I sleep past my stop on the train and think it's clever to share a cab home with a strange man, who to be fair had fancy shoes? Although I did check whether he was a rapist or a murderer before I got in. You know… safety first.
How can I be a grown up when I feel like a productive Sunday consists of catching up on sitcoms, eating cereal and Haribo for lunch, beating my top score on Fruit Ninja then going to my parents’ to get some kind of nutrition when I discover that there’s nothing in my fridge but chocolate Alpro (at least three years old), strawberry beer (yeuch), rosemary (huh?) personalised chocolate bars (don’t ask) and three half-finished bottles of wine?
How can I be a grown up when my brother and I still argue about who gets the dust at bottom of the Frosties packet?
To be fair, how can I be a grown up when I still eat Frosties…