This stripey (!!), black and white (!!), duck foot (??) lamp.
But for two reasons I shan't:
1) I re-watched the first episode of Lemon La Vida Loca the other day and not only did I spot my Bubble Dog on Keith Lemon's coffee table, but I found myself saying "oh, that's brilliant, I love it!" about his hideous Cribs-parody decor. (Help. Me.)
2) I don't have £818